First, I have to apologize for not posting in so long. I really thought it was not as long as it was.
So now for the juicy part. Everyone has asked what about the Cock part? It’s hyphenated and you talked about it in your first post. Oh so true! So it must be talked about! But this is not a porn site so I will have to copy one of my favorite films Mamma Mia. Anything that will make my website needing a “are you over 18 years of age” button will be abbreviated with dot dot dot (sorry mom and dad 🤫🤫)
So I’ve been Tinder swiping. Some of these messages. Talk about needing a “are you prepared to have dirtier things said to you than you are ready for” button. These things would make anyone’s eyes widen. But on the flip sid, there are some really amazing guys on there who genuinely want a connection. I know, don’t pass out. Am I looking for the next great thing? Many people might think so, but for the first time…I am going with the flow. OK… NOW you can faint.
So I always cancel dates. Every time. I get nervous, scared, and I make up some lame excuse. Terrible really, but I’m honest. Cancel on them before they can cancel on me. And I wonder why I never had a “great love” 😂 My excuse this time? I tried to convince him he’s too tired and should take the night to rest. He said he was fine, but thank you for being so sweet. Ugh! I really did try though!
So I started to get ready for this date at 12. The time of the date? 630! (plus an hour drive… Give or take me getting lost). So I did the typical, shower, shave, and stay in a towel for 2 hours on my bed while watching Netflix. Oh, that’s not part of your routine? Well, like I said I was trying to get it to be cancelled. So I had to rush. Rush to find something else to wear. I was going to my NYC roots and was in all black. Needed color. Fixed it and wore a white shirt with roses on them and a slightly plunging swoop with the criss cross. I felt confident. I felt ready. Now for the drive. I blasted music and had to pump myself up. It happened and I was ready.
He was running late. Granted, I ran 20 minutes late too, but he got stuck at work. Bar manager… We will have to come up with a nick name for him. Anyways, we have been non stop messaging and talking in between working and all night. It felt comfort and like I knew him for awhile. I have a habit of putting guys into the friend zone so I don’t get hurt if I start to feel anything towards them. I was nervous it was going to be the same.
So as I was waiting for him, I called my friend. It was so loud where she was. She claimed she was watching TV with her daughter who she claimed was deaf. Something was up. So, the car next to me pulled out and what would you believe. There is my friend’s car. I had two friends who came to the restaurant to make sure a. He wasn’t a killer b. I had my sos call* right there and c. I remembered to breathe. When he pulled up, all of the tables by my friends were empty. Well they definitely calmed my nerves. I laughed and it made me breathe.
*sos call… The person you call when you need them to save you out of a bad date so you can get away*
Mistake 1 on the date? Sitting where I could see them 😂 oh! Let’s go back. So he pulled up and he waved to me in my car. Oh, I’m glad my bright blue car can be spotted from so far away. He got out and he gave me a hug. He held the doors for me and everything. Gentleman! OK so we ordered dinner and the conversation flowed. We laughed and talked and whenever the conversation started to die out a bit, he would compliment me “you have such pretty eyes”, “you are so cute”, “you are really beautiful”. Is this normal? Do normal guys do this? Again, did not date normal guys in the past. Maybe it’s because he has a salary adult job? Does that have an influence or is he the new Ted Bundy?
So the date was nearing the end aka the restaurant was closing and my friends realized I was safe so they left. So the check came. Now anyone who knows me knows I grab the check first. My ex never paid so it was a habit of 2 years. As I was about to motion over to it, he grabbed it. He grabbed it and took out his card and paid. No looking it over, nothing. The one time my ex paid for the movies, he complained about the price for everything. This was new… Should have read *adult* in the dictionary before going out to see what I was in for. After the check was paid we just kept talking. Neither of us took out our phones. Neither of us cared. Again, adult.
So we were getting ready to walk out. Grabbed the doors again. Not used to chivalry. So is it a good night kiss? Does he expect more? Eek! Now I need help. So he walks me out and hesitated. And finally he went for it. He went for a hug. Ugh. And then he grabbed my waist with one hand, tilted my chin with the other and it was happening. He kissed me and it was a good kiss. My heart raced and everything. Ew. Why? But he kept kissing me and I wasn’t mad about it. It felt like a total Hallmark moment. However, I knew I needed to get home or else I didn’t want him to think it was a dot dot dot moment. I even confessed that 2 friends were hanging out observing. He respected it and thought it was awesome.
So I left. And he left. For a second. He messaged me to ask me to stop. Ted Bundy? Can I take him if I need to? Did I have my pepper spray?!? He said he wanted to see me again. I started to go over SING in my head from Miss Congeniality *solar plex, instep, nose, groine* I mean, I didn’t get that feeling from him, but now who knows in this world. We stopped in a coffee shop and he got out and kissed me again. Ever been told you’re incredibly beautiful and he had to kiss you again since your kiss was addicting? No? Yeah me either, so we can mark that as a first time thing for me. So one more kiss and we departed. And he asked if I made it home safely? Is this normal?
Once you get out of a bad toxic abusive relationship, nothing seems normal. It doesn’t seem right for them to be acting this way. It doesn’t seem normal for them to actually compliment you and for you not to be afraid with a man you are on a date with. You shouldn’t be afraid to be yourself. You shouldn’t be afraid to say something or anything of what you are feeling. For anyone who has been afraid to be sitting next to someone who they thought was a great love, that isn’t your great love. Please message me if you are feeling this way. I will help you through it.
So the picture. The all you need is love rock. I found this randomly on top of a Target trash can as I was throwing away a drink. Perfect timing. I learned in the past week that love is amazing. Love is addicting. You crave it, you desire it, but love isn’t necessarily just with someone romantically. Love is with your family laughing with you while you roast each other. Love is dancing in the kitchen while making a mess baking with your parents. Love is with your friends who encourage you to stand strong and be as beautiful as they see you. Love is walking around Walmart laughing and joking because it’s late and you are both tired. Love is even if you are upset with each other you don’t stop a friendship. Love is being there when the other needs someone or understanding that they need to be alone to figure things out (but you still reach out to show them you love them). Love is having their kids call you aunt and them call your family their family. Love is helping, nurturing, supporting, and growing. Love is addicting and I am so happy to have the love from my family and friends. Maybe you all are my true great loves.
And the biggest piece, is love yourself. Love really is all you need. So love yourself, love your family, love your friends, and love your zany coworkers (especially the ones who subscribe to your sisters blog ❤️). To everyone who has shown me love, thank you for keeping me afloat when sometimes I didn’t know how to. No pasa nada. Te amo.
Cats, Cupcakes, and Cock-tails 