Don’t put your hand in the fire

When we are kids we are always told don’t put your hand in the fire or be careful it’s hot and you will get burned. But what about those relationships where that’s all you want to do. It’s hot, it’s fiery and like a moth to a flame you can’t help but go towards it even if there is a chance you will burn.

I hate any movie that resembles those two people meet and magically fall in love. All my 30 years on this earth, I never had that magically moment where two people meet and the world stops.

Until you.

This was not supposed to happen this way. But we met. Your hand touched mine and everything slowed down. Everything stopped and all I saw was you. I didn’t even realize I wasn’t breathing until you mentioned it.

I guess I stopped believing in love at first sight. I didn’t think it was something that happened anymore. Now, I wouldn’t say “love” but there was something there. Something I couldn’t explain. Still today, I can’t explain you. I can’t explain your reasoning behind things. I can’t explain your hot and cold behaviors. I can’t explain you being afraid to let me in. I can’t explain you hiding emotions. I can’t explain you whatsoever.

But I also don’t want to.

The first night we hung out, had a date, whatever you want to call it. It felt like time stood still, but time was flying faster than we both realized. The amount of understanding from both sides explaining our past toxic relationships. The agreement from what we saw with career and family goals. Everything just felt… Normal…maybe too easy. The easy where I have never had in my life before. The easy where I have desired and thought no relationship can be this easy.

Then the night was about to end. You hugged me and that hug lingered. We both knew we were about to go down a path where we could not go back after it happened.

We kissed.

Now I have kissed plenty of men before. I have thought I felt the spark and the butterflies. But this… This was that kiss where your body goes numb. The kiss where you forget every other person you kissed and it felt like you were filming those stupid romance movies. The kiss you long for after it ends. The kiss that you think about every time his name pops up on my phone.

Now I know dear reader you want more of the night’s detail. Let’s just say that I am still living on cloud nine.

As magical as all of this sounds. Here we come to the climax of the story. The part where the emotions are raw. The part where someone has to make that first move. The move to ask what the hell are we? What is this?

There have been times where I want to just yell … Scream at the top of my lungs to get you to admit something… Anything about how you feel. Give me the answers that I have been wanting. Do you have feelings? The feelings have to be there… I’ve seen them in the eyes. The eyes tell the story. Just a little reassurance goes a long way.

Maybe you are stringing me along. Maybe you are afraid to get hurt. Maybe you don’t know how to say how you feel. Maybe you are seeing someone else. Whatever the case might be, SAY SOMETHING! I might not be the best at saying something in person. My words get jumbled. My emotions get heightened and I end up tearing up because I don’t know how to get them out. But now writing…. That’s where I can get everything out confidently and I don’t sound like a blabbering idiot.

If anyone knows me enough, you will know this writer can’t stay silent forever. Until I have an update for you dear readers, no Pasa nada. Te amo.

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