HBIC 👸

I keep hearing I’m sorry. I keep hearing it, but I’m finally okay with talking about my story. How I am a survivor. I’m hoping that me not being selfish and hiding it will help someone else.

I am a survivor. I am a survivor of abuse. I am a survivor of being called names, being grabbed, being harassed and then being told “well I wouldn’t have done that if you didn’t do ___.” I know I wrote a blog post prior about being called “too” too fat, too much, etc. It hurts to be told these things from people you are casual with, but it hurts more from someone who you think you love.

The first thing people want to say to you is I’m sorry. I’m sorry that that happened to you. As much as I appreciate the apologies and the puppy dog looks, I’d rather hear people say congratulations. Congrats for leaving him. Congrats for leaving the person who you loved and saw a future with. Congrats for being a stronger you. Congratulations.

Well I’m congratulating every girl or guy out there who has escaped it. I always thought how can you be in this type of relationship. How can you not be strong enough to escape? Being in the situation, made me realize that it’s hard. It’s one of the hardest things to do. You are breaking a habit. The habit and routine of seeing that person every day. Or the routine of seeing their name pop up and you smiling. As much as all of that is true, once you start to see the abuse, their name on your phone gives you anxiety. Or knowing you are going to see them gives you a panic attack. The crying, yelling, shaking, and praying that you will be okay and safe, it is all so common.

People think that when you get out of this situation you are broken forever. Honestly, I still am a little. Who you are is broken. It’s OK. You broke off who you are and you need to get stronger again. But getting stronger is okay. It’s healthy. I’ve learned to be stronger by myself. I don’t need someone in my bed every night to make me feel better. *key word EVERY* Listen…. A girl has to do what a girl has to do #sorrynotsorry

So the drink of the night is a fresh watermelon marg with frozen watermelon and tequila, maybe a little more than normal for a marg. If was fresh and clean and I felt refreshed. It’s so weird to think that tequila does a few different things for me. Either I get frisky or I get thinking. Well, since I wasn’t out, I got to thinking. I started to think about how to refresh myself and rebuild myself. My birthday is in 2 days and I know that I can make this year how I want. He’s out of my life. I stopped caring, I stopped loving. I can move on. I am moving on. Well, I’m trying to move on. I’m not ready for a relationship, I’m ready to flirt and have fun. 27 and flirty and new. New me and so many new things will come from that. Never push for anything, but don’t let yourself be pushed either.

Enjoy your life and your loved ones. Know that being abused is not okay. Know that feeling depressed constantly or thinking that you not being on the planet anymore just to get away from someone who is hurting you is not okay. That isn’t love baby. Love doesn’t hurt. Love doesn’t make you upset. Love is beautiful and you deserve love. You deserve to be cherished for all that you are. Even when you think you are too anything. You aren’t too much for anyone. They just aren’t enough. Maybe they can’t handle you. Maybe they are weak. Maybe the man just can’t handle a powerful woman like you are. It’s OK. One day someone will take you for everything that you are and say you are more than enough. More than what they dreamed of. So you won’t be too anything, but more than anything.

I thought during this time one day I hope I can look back and wish him well, but realize that it’s over. The hurt is over. That day has come. And the pressure that is off of my shoulders is huge. It’s amazing. My head is naturally lifted up, my shoulders back, and my boobs lifted. I have more confidence than ever. Huge shout out to every one who has helped and everyone who has boosted my confidence.

If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, please encourage them to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−7233. Even just holding their hand when they call will help. If you want to talk with someone, please send me an email or message me on here.

No pasa nada babe 😘